Chapter 88
Xena’s POV
“He’s at the swing set in the west corner of the playground,” William said, looking at me with concerned eyes.
“Thanks,” I replied, giving Ama and William a small wave before walking out of the room
and heading toward the playground.
The wind had picked up outside, whipping my hair around my face as I spotted Ryder sitting alone on a swing, staring off into the distance. His broad shoulders were hunched slightly, his light blonde hair ruffled by the breeze. My heart clenched at the sight of him.
“Ryder…” I called softly.
He stopped swinging, only turning his head slightly to glance at me, his expression unreadable. Those green eyes that usually looked at me with such intensity now seemed
distant, guarded.
“I’m sorry,” I said, walking up to stand in front of him. I reached out, cupping his face between my hands. “You did something really sweet for me, and I didn’t respond the right way. I truly appreciate everything you’ve done.”
Ryder remained motionless, saying nothing. The silence built between us like a wall, thick and impenetrable. My heart raced in my chest, each beat painful against my ribs.
“Ryder, please?” I whispered, my voice catching. The fear of his rejection cut deeper than any physical wound ever could. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, each second of waiting draining what little courage I had left. “I really am sorry.”
He sighed, finally standing up from the swing. Fear washed over me like a tidal wave, my heart gripped tight in an invisible fist. Once again, I’d messed up a relationship. Once again, I’d disappointed someone who cared about me.
I rose on my tiptoes and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead before turning to leave, my chest aching with each breath.
A strong gust of wind swept through the playground, blowing my hair across my face and hiding the tears that had started rolling down my cheeks. Just then, Ama and William
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came running over.
“X?” Ama asked, her voice filled with concern.
“You guys have fun. I’m going for a walk,” I said, heading down the steps, desperate to escape the suffocating scene.
“What the hell, Ryder?” I could still hear William’s angry question behind me.
“Ryder, are you serious right now? She’s given you more than she’s given anyone, and you’re letting tonight go to waste over this?” Ama’s accusatory voice carried on the wind.
I deserved this. Opening up was so damn hard for me, and now I was destroying every
good thing in my life. I just kept walking as the sun began to set. Most people were inside having dinner, so I was alone.
A small park seemed to beckon me. I sat down on a bench, letting the warm breeze gently
push against me. I’d been planning to move out tomorrow anyway, just not like this.
Footsteps slowly approached, and when I looked up to see Ama instead of Ryder coming
to find me, my heart sank even further. In that moment, the spark of hope died, replaced by a profound sense of loss.
“Hey, girl,” she said softly.
“I really messed up this time,” I gave her a sad smile as she sat down and reached for my
hand.
“I know it’s hard for you, but he’s been trying.”
“I know. I’m trying too. My voice was barely audible as I struggled to make her understand I wasn’t unwilling to change, just unsure how to break years of habit.
“No one knows that better than me.”
“He wouldn’t hear my apology,” I sighed, the weight of disappointment heavy on my
chest.
“He heard it, he’s just not ready to make up yet.”
“On the bright side, this birthday won’t be worse than the others,” I said with a bitter
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laugh, remembering all those lonely birthdays–no cake, no well–wishes, just my father’s
cold stare and harsh criticism.
“Give him some time. He’ll come around.”
“Before or after tomorrow?” I looked at her, the uncertainty evident in my eyes. I was afraid of losing him, more afraid than I wanted to admit.
“I think before,” Ama smiled, then looked over my shoulder. I followed her gaze to see
Ryder walking toward us. Ama stood up and gave me a hug.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“Let him in. He loves you,” her words lingered in my ear as she smiled and walked away.
Ryder sat down on the other end of the bench, the distance between us feeling like a river.
He didn’t speak. I felt like a damn child waiting for my father to start yelling at me.
“If you want to hear me say sorry again, I will,” I finally broke the silence, my voice small but steady.
“Come here,” Ryder nudged my arm with his fingertips.
I stood up nervously and walked over to him. Ryder spread his legs, making room for me to sit on his lap. I wrapped my arms around his neck, resting my head against his shoulder, finding comfort in his warmth and scent.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered again, feeling the walls inside me starting to crack.
“What are you afraid of?” he asked, his voice rumbling through his chest.
“You have a lot of power over me,” I admitted, the first time I’d been so blunt about my
fears.
“Hmm.”
“You’ve only shown me kindness, just shown how much you care about me. I know I haven’t given you everything you want, but I have let you in. It might not seem like much to you, but you’re breaking down my defenses. You have this power over me. You’re constantly in my head. My body craves you. If I’m not giving enough, I’m sorry.”
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“Don’t say that. The issue isn’t that you’re not giving enough. The issue is that you lack faith in us being mates.”
“That’s not true. In fact, I’ve bet on us,” I replied, shifting slightly to look at him.
“What?” His eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
“This afternoon, I made a bet with Ama. If we turn out to be mates, she owes me fifty
bucks.”
“Really?” A hint of a smile played at the corner of his mouth.
“Yeah.”
“Betting violates pack rules,” he said, his voice taking on a mock–serious tone.
“Are you going to punish me?” I asked playfully, feeling some of the tension dissolve
between us.
“Get up,” Ryder joked, pushing me away gently, but he stood and grabbed my hand.
“Where are we going?”
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